Daycare Advice - Please Help
Miles has been going to daycare every Thursday since the middle of July. I thought this was going well. He often smiled at the caregivers when I dropped him off and only once was he crying when I went to pick up. Today, however, when I dropped him off the woman who runs the infant room told me that Miles is not interested in playing there or looking at things, he just wants to be held or he cries. Another woman that occasionally assists in the infant room then piped in that Miles gets really upset if left alone. The woman that runs the infant room then asked me if I always picked up Miles when he cried, and proceeded to tell me that I was holding him too much and that I needed to let him learn to sooth himself since he cannot always be held at daycare.
Initially, I was devastated by this news. I felt like I was failing as a mother and producing a needy child. I am beyond that now and just really irritated that I was not told about this sooner. Every Thursday when I pick up Miles, I ask how his day was. I have never been told that he cried unless he was held, or that he would not play. This leads to my current predicament. Should I find a different childcare option? Is it possible that since Miles only goes one day a week, he is not getting used to it and becoming comfortable. Drew and I cannot really afford much more than 2 days/week. Although since I am less than pleased with this current daycare center, I am not sure I want to give them more money. Finally, am I overreacting? I am willing to admit that the women at the childcare center could just be well-intentioned, and I am tired and possibly blowing this out of proportion.
Please, if you read this leave a comment and let me know what you think. My instincts are to find new childcare, but I want to make sure that I am not acting rash. Currently, I am exhausted and stressed about work so I also want to make sure that I am not being too reactive.
posted by Sara @ 9:23 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
OMG lots to say here, I wish we lived closer.
First of all, the daycare workers have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to tell you that you are spoiling your child. That is WAY out of line. You raise your children, they raise theirs. And now I totally understand why you are upset, you are tired and you have shaky new mommy confidence/mom guilt. So yes perhaps you should find a new place. My nanny would never have said something like that to me.
And so secondly my next point (which I hope you don't take the wrong way) is that really young infants have a hard time with daycare at first because they are supposed to be held all the IMO, that is what has been done in an evolutionary sense. And yes Miles will eventually have to learn to do more stuff on his own but for the love of god he is only 4 mos old!
And so perhaps you could find a nanny share with a higher ratio of people to kids (2:1)? My guess is that would be about the same price as daycare if not less. You could post on CLs to see if anyone wants to save a little money by sharing their nanny 1 or 2 days a week. Or a daycare with a different attitude about holding children.
And then my last point...lots of infants go to daycare and turn out just fine of course, they are remarkably adaptable. And once you have two kids you realize the all the rocking and attention and holding you do with your first..well it's not as easy to do with your second. If that really was a problem than every second child of the world would be screwed up. And so no matter what you decide Miles is going to be just fine. He has two wonderful and loving parents that want what is best for him.
I guess in summary I think that you are right in trusting you instincts. They shouldn't be telling you that you are spoiling him. Their job is to keep him happy during the day and that is what you are paying them for. Stop feeling guilty or like you did something wrong. HUGS!!
Sara-We ALL agree that you should trust your instincts and find another daycare! You're a terrific mom and Miles knows it...you can't spoil a baby and there's no way you can make him "needy" with too much love...the bonding starts now so enjoy every precious moment. We love you. Your Aunty Karyn, Kathy, Kyla and Charlotte
Thank you all for your thoughtful and helpful comments.
Anne-Marie, I also wished we lived closer!
What??? A baby that likes to be held and doesn't like to be LEFT ALONE?? I've never heard of such a thing. Sorry, sarcasm, shouldn't do that online. Another vote for new child care. Why are they leaving an infant alone? Babies can't learn to self soothe if they aren't soothed by their caregivers. You're doing the right thing holding him when he cries! I'm sorry you had to experience that, Sara.
Sara, tell them to suck it. Is that too crass?
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