Miscarriage

Yesterday morning Drew and I woke up at 6:15 am to get ready for the sonogram, which was scheduled for 7:45 am. We arrived at St. Joseph’s perinatal diagnostic clinic around 7:40 am and quickly we were put into a room. The nurse squirted some of the gel on my belly and began my sonogram. Drew was in the room with me so he could also get and early view of the baby. Almost immediately the nurse could not get an adequate image of the amniotic sac and she had to switch to an internal sonogram. Gulp. I used to volunteer with All Women’s Health Services in Portland, OR and have assisted with sonograms. I know that at 10 weeks it should be very easy to get a good view of the amniotic sac and fetus from the stomach. After taking several images, the nurse concluded that the amniotic sac looked as if I was only 6 weeks pregnant and there was no fetal pole. Not good. She then asked me if I had regular periods, which I do. Also not good. She told Drew and me that it appeared as if the embryo never developed and told us that the doctor would want to speak with us. At this time it was only 8:00 am and the doctor would not be in until 8:30 or 9:00 am. Therefore, she put us in the room reserved for genetic counseling and she left us alone. I now realize that this was the room reserved for giving people bad news as it had an exit door so couples would not have to walk through the waiting room past all the happy expecting parents after having their hearts broken. Drew and I then proceeded to wait for an hour. I was crying intermittently this entire time and Drew was holding me. At one point Drew got fed up and went to go ask where the doctor was. Why we were not just rescheduled to meet with the doctor so we could leave is beyond me. Drew and I knew exactly what the sonogram meant and having to wait for one hour for a doctor to tell us what we already knew was cruel. Anyway, a little after 9:00 am the doctor finally showed up to tell us that I had lost the baby. At that point I started crying even harder. Apparently, the fetus never developed but the placenta continued to grow and my hCG levels showed normal increases. This resulted in my body responding as if I was having a normal pregnancy. This aspect of what happened I find a particularly cruel act of biology. I got to experience over a month of pregnancy symptoms but not because my body was supporting a developing baby. Eventually, my reproductive organs figured out that there was no fetus and I started spotting. While spotting can be benign, in my case it was actually signaling the beginning of a miscarriage. After the doctor gave us the bad news along with the requisite words of comfort, “my parents had several miscarriages before having 10 children, you are young and will get pregnant again, yadda, yadda, yadda…”, we left through the back door. Actually, even though we had to wait for an obscenely long time, the doctor that told us the bad news was very kind.

Through the whole process Drew has been amazing. This has been very difficult for both of us and Drew has been so supportive and understanding. I could not ask for a better husband.

So what now? I am still having spontaneous outbursts of crying, and tomorrow I have to go for surgery. After that, I am going to try and put this behind me and Drew and I are going to try again. I have been assured by my OBGYN that this is fairly common especially for first pregnancies and no indication of later reproductive success. The good news is that I got pregnant very quickly and it was not an ectopic pregnancy. Honestly, however, right now this is not making me feel any better.